Sunday Special, Vol. 2

This week held a lot of teaching and A LOT of driving. In our 300-hour teacher training, we work with a mentor teacher to assist and attend their classes. I'm so glad to be training under one of my teachers from the 200-hour who is incredibly knowledgable and an amazing teacher along with being kind, patient, and easy to talk to. The only downside is that everywhere she teaches is on the other side of town from where I live. Luckily my flexible schedule lets me get where I need to be, even though I spend a lot of time on the road! Here's the weekly check-in:

Health

I took advantage of my teaching jobs in gyms to use the cardio equipment and the weights. It was the womanly time of the month for me, so I made a couple donut and ice cream runs even though I was reading this book that warns against following sweet cravings. All things considered, I felt pretty balanced so I'll give it a plus. (+)

Family

I caught up with my mom, dad, and sister this week. I was feeling a little disconnected since my mom was traveling in Europe and my sister works crazy long hours, but all of us are usually good about checking in at least once a week. (+)

Friends

On Thursday I had the best day with one of my friends from yoga teacher training! She was working at an art supply store on a slow day, so I stopped by to say hello and we ended up spending the afternoon coloring and painting together (+).

Intimate Relationships

I'll usually keep this one private since it sometimes involves being vulnerable or putting myself out there to strangers from the internet. 

Mission/Work

This was a big week! I've been substitute teaching a lot all over the place and I recently got my own regularly scheduled class. For better or for worse, I've become the go-to sub request, so I had a ton of classes to cover this week. I assisted my mentor's class for the first time, and on Friday, I was initiated as a Reiki Level One practitioner-- I'll tell you more about that soon! (+)

Finances

I had a business discussion with another yoga mentor, and she gave me some wise advice for the business side of teaching and encouragement to overcome my resistance to sounding like a pushy yoga saleswoman. I'm working on a more solid business plan and concrete goals, but I'll still give it a minus for now. (-)

Adventure

Not too much new adventure this week, besides the art supply store and the Reiki initiation. I'm ok with it since it was nice to settle down and have a restful weekend. (-)

Hobby

I made my first hair wrap, practiced the piano a couple times, and tried watercolor. Plus plus plus! (+)

Spirituality

I am enjoying the expansion of spiritual practices in my life. I have been looking for a place to study Reiki for a little while, and it felt perfectly right to do the attunement with Mer. (+)

Emotion

I felt a little scattered this week since my schedule was unpredictable day to day, but my personality really enjoys spontaneity so all of the uncertainty kept me joyous.  (+)

I hope your week was filled with all the categories above!

Manifested Month

I'm happy to tell you that over the past year, basically since going on Echo's yoga retreat in Thailand, I have been able to stick to a daily meditation practice. I've found that it has been immensely helpful in staying connected to my spirit and my intentions and being more mindful throughout the day. Every morning, I wake up and sit for 10-15 minutes as I focus on my breath or a mantra. Sometimes my mind wanders, but lately it's gotten much easier to keep my head clear. 

I've probably told you before, but one of my favorite meditation tools has been the 21-Day Meditation Experience with Oprah and Deepak. I think it's helpful for anyone who is new to mediation, and I love the balance of Oprah's personal stories and Deepak's spiritual wisdom. Even if it's hard for you to stay focused during the ~12 minute mediation section, there are usually 10 minutes in the beginning where you'll learn something important. 

This month's theme focused on the Law of Attraction and what it takes to turn our desires into reality. It felt aligned to my own purpose, because this year I've been seeing more and more of my visions come into being. I remember one of Oprah's stories about growing up in poverty, but choosing to spend her time walking around well-off neighborhoods. She dreamed of living in a house with trees in the backyard, and later as an adult she realized that her own backyard matched what she'd once envisioned.

I particularly noticed happenings like this in my own life when I spent last month living a mile from the beach in Santa Monica. Here are my best tips (really Oprah's best tips) for creating a life that aligns with your dreams:

1. Get clear about what you want: This one is hard for me! I wasn't so sure about exactly what I wanted. I only knew more yoga and more ocean time would be nice. I'm not a great example of this, but bring some clarity to your goals.

2. Visualize yourself where you want to be: When we're manifesting, setting goals, or whatever you want to call it, it's important to really believe that it could happen for you. No problem; imagining life as a yoga beach babe is easy for me! I added some extra oomf with pictures on my vision board: the ocean and a bungalow near the beach.

3. Act as if you've already obtained your desires: Get as close to living out your desires as you can. My first months in LA, I spent a ton of time in Santa Monica. Most of the time, it wasn't intentional. I'd just take a yoga class there and spend the evening waiting out traffic. I have a feeling that spending so much time there made it easy to end up back again. 

4. Don't give up: Sometimes it can take years for our deepest desires to pan out. Sometimes it takes a lot of shaking up to make space for them. Sometimes they show up differently than we ever expected. In June, I had basically given up hope on subletting a place for the next month-- I resigned myself to the ~3 hours of driving back and forth from yoga training. Then I decided to check Craigslist "one last time" and found exactly what I was looking for.

Even if you don't believe in magical manifestations or think the law of attraction is a whole bunch of nonsense, it can be exciting and empowering to set goals (small or large!) for yourself and work your way there. Hope your life is growing closer and closer to all that you've dreamed!

*If you're feeling the call towards a Thai yoga retreat this year, Echo & Cole are going back so check it out!

Sunday Special, Vol. 1

When I was growing up, I hated Sundays. They always felt like a sad day to me. I've kept a jam-packed daily schedule at every age, and Sundays seemed slow and empty in comparison. While my parents, I'm sure, were enjoying a restful day off from driving us around to activities, I was bored and restless. Obviously I hadn't found out about brunch, yet, or the joys of having a free day to do what one wants.

As I became an adult, I promised myself not to do laundry or grocery shop on the weekends. When I worked normal Monday through Friday jobs, I never wanted to waste a full day of freedom folding my clothes or waiting in line at the store (of course, I don't have anyone to take care of besides me, and I'm sure that would certainly change all routines!). Sundays would be for adventuring, yoga, seeing friends, or any special activity that a weekday simply would not allow. 

I've created more mindful rituals recently (but still brunch!), even though I haven't slowed down much and sometimes Sunday isn't a free day for me at all now. I'd love to share a new one with you...

Weekly Check-In

I love to read, and I often read life tip books with the hopes of someday becoming a successful person. In High Performance Habits, I picked up a weekly check-in routine that seems to be a nice way to reflect on the past week and prepare for the next. I hope to share it here with you every Sunday, and I'd love to hear what's going well for you or what you're working on.

Each week, I've been reflecting on the following categories. I'll write a few notes on what was great that week or what could be better for the next. Each category receives a +  or -, and then the week gets an X out of 10. The overall scores don't mean much, but have been an interesting way to see what's building me up or bringing me down. 

Health

I was teaching so much this week that my personal practice and workout routine took a backseat. Plus, driving all over and meeting up with friends meant eating out a lot. I spent Sunday morning getting back to my running and gym habits which I plan to continue into the week.  (-)

Family

This one can be tricky since I live so far away from everyone, but I talked to my mom, dad, sister, and grandma on the phone so I give it a plus. (+)

Friends

This week, I met up with some long lost high school friends at the beach for a day and had a blast hearing their stories and reconnecting with them. Over the weekend another friend from Austin came to visit and we got to catch up and dance in a canyon-- what a treat! (+)

Intimate Relationships

I'll keep this one private since it sometimes involves being vulnerable or putting myself out there to strangers from the internet. 

Mission/Work

This week I finally felt like a real yoga teacher in LA! I taught 9 classes, which is probably half the number that I should be teaching, but it was reassuring to come out of teacher training with a pretty full schedule. On Saturday, I started the next level toward my advanced teacher training certification, and it all feels like the right path. (+)

Finances

This one usually gets a minus due to the whole needing to teach more classes thing... but now that the full-time training is complete, I've been applying to nearby studios and working on building toward a full schedule. (-)

Adventure

I'm still an LA tourist, so this week marked a bunch of milestones. I rode the rollercoaster at Santa Monica Pier for the first time (in the front row, and they sent us around TWICE!), went to Venice Beach for the first time since moving here, and spent a night in Topanga Canyon. Adventures all around. (+)

Hobby

My heart has been calling for me to learn to play the piano, so I bought a keyboard and practiced (ie. tried to learn Drake songs from watching YouTube videos) about 4 times. For next week, I ordered a book on how to actually play, so I'll have something more foundational to practice. (+)

Spirituality

This has been a positive for me even before teacher training. Last year, after going on a yoga retreat in Thailand, I started to develop a consistent meditation practice. I'm happy to say that I've stuck to it nearly every morning since, and have seen many benefits in my life. (+)

Emotion

All the yoga learning and teaching, friend visits, and new explorations had me in a happy state of mind. I'm trying to stay focused on the special stuff in the present without worrying too much about what's to come. (+)

I hope you enjoyed this little snapshot of life at the moment! I'd love to keep these going, at least until the end of the year.

Recap: YogaWorks 200-Hour Teacher Training

I talked to my grandma on the phone the other day, and she said she was happy to hear that so many things are going well in this little life of mine. She also said that she wishes I would go out to more places to meet single guys, because she enjoys having a boyfriend since he waters her plants regularly. Would be nice. Luckily, I share plants with one of my roommates who helps out with the twice daily watering that Southern California necessitates. Plus, I am of the belief that there is much to be gained from tending to one's own garden.

The number one reason things have been going so well is because last week I graduated from YogaWorks 200-hour Teacher Training! I was incredibly pleased with the program and ended up learning a ton of new information, even though it was my second time around doing a 200-hour certification. I found that the two programs that I've completed balanced each other perfectly-- the YogaWorks program was very anatomical and alignment-based while my training in 2016 with Dharma Yoga in Austin focused heavily on spirituality and weaving a themed flow into classes. It was a nice harmony to receive two different perspectives on teaching. 

The month went by so quickly, although I experienced various waves of emotions over the 4 weeks. Some days I was feeling tremendously lucky to be doing something I love all day; other days I was so worn out in my body from hours of yoga practice and exhausted in my brain from hours of studying. I couldn't believe it when the last days arrived. It was bittersweet to leave our group after spending so much time together during the month of intensive learning and yoga. But I'm happy that a few of us will be continuing onto the 300-hour program, starting this weekend.

I packed up my Santa Monica sublet and headed back to the trendy streets of East LA. Although it was hard to tear myself away from the beach scene, I'm excited to be settled back into my sweaty non-air conditioned room that's starting to feel more and more like a home.

Spilling Secrets

Last weekend, my dad was off in Maryland visiting family and checking out the devastating flood damage in a little city that I love so much. During his catching up with one of our family members who happens to be an avid follower of this blog, it was mentioned that I haven't been posting as much recently. I suppose that's because I was jet-setting a bit and trying to make the most of time with friends and family. But I suppose it's also because I have a secret..

I find that it's more difficult to write here during times of uncertainty. It's easier for me to tell you about travels, tasty snacks, and the best hiking trails than to talk about the scattered pieces of real life and my silent search for the next steps. But there are a lot of other places where you could find elephant photos and hiking trails, so you're probably not here for the fluff. I like that about you.

Back in May, after a few indecisive weeks and a very decisive car accident, I decided to end my term of service with AmeriCorps. I felt guilty and unsure. I didn't want to be quitter, but I knew that the job was not what I expected and was not matching up to the path I wanted my life to take. It seemed like the work experience was based on the dreams of a previous version of me, who had a particular idea of what "work" has to mean, but no longer fit with my goals and vision. On top of that, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that it's a bit challenging to pluck a traveling yogi off the mat and stick them in a fluorescent office with a 90 minute commute.

Once I made the decision, other factors started to fall into place. My manager and coworkers were all very supportive, making it even harder to leave. Space opened up for me to visit home and reconnect with my roots. And some new summer developments have come together that I will tell you about soon!

I'm trying to feel more confident in doing what I know is right for me, without worrying about how it might be perceived. I never want to stop helping people and serving my community, I just want to do it through work that feels purposeful to me. Thank you for being here and keeping me honest.

Home on the Hudson

Sometimes, sadly, it takes going far, far away from a home to make you realize how big a part of you it is. When college time came, I couldn't wait to put some distance between myself and Poughkeepsie. In my search for a school, I allowed a radius of no less than 3 and a half hours outside of my hometown. If I had my wish, I'd end up in New Hampshire or, even farther, North Carolina. I didn't know about Austin yet, and wasn't quite so adventurous as to ponder the West Coast, but there could be nothing like a new state to prove my independence and maturity!

Then I got to Delaware where I cried and called my mom or my home friends every day, after walking across an unknown campus of unfamiliar faces. I even started a transfer application to Marist in a desperate moment. Between semesters, I came back for my car, so I could make the trip home whenever possible. Of course, with that ability and a little adjustment, I lost the necessity of going back to my parents' houses and slowly made my way further and further across the country.

I'm thankful for that tear-filled first semester, since it somehow enabled me to live with all sorts of strangers in all sorts of locations over the years. California's got the goods for now, but every time I come back to the Hudson Valley, I find that it holds a real seat for my soul.

During this visit, I got to spend time with family and friends, visit my new favorite yoga studio with the same favorite teacher, and delight in the green, rolling scenery that always reminds me there's no place like home.

Wishy-washy Wisdom

There was a time this year when I found myself offering advice to two different friends on two different days. One friend was fearful of taking a risk, and I told her something along the lines of, "Life is short, you should go for it!" Later in the same week, another friend worried about making a mistake, so I told her, "Life is long! You can always course correct!"

Hm... From these conflicting examples we can learn that if you're looking for advice, you should probably ask someone besides me!

Just kidding. Sort of. 

I wonder, who am I to be giving advice? Oftentimes I'm scared that this blog will just end up as a snapshot of my wavering career path, back and forth between finding a solution, and then abandoning that solution for a shift to something completely different. I surely don't have a lot of answers, but I certainly have lived out quite a few different scenarios!

So, I stand by my wishy-washy words of wisdom. Life IS short! It's too short to spend most of your time doing something you can't stand-- too short to sweep your dreams under the rug or put them off for years ahead. Then again, for most of us, life IS long, too. It's long enough to take risks and make mistakes. In retrospect, an event that feels like the "end of the world" can turn into a tiny blip in your rearview mirror.  Follow your gut, don't think TOO much, and trust the path that sings to your heart. Life is as short as it is long, in all the best ways.

Getting Grounded

Last week I crashed my car in a bad way which could have gotten me hurt or killed. I'm glad I didn't die, because I like living quite a bit! The accident was all my fault, so I'm glad I didn't hurt or kill anyone else, because I like other people quite a bit, too!

Things around me have been changing a lot lately, and since I've gotten settled into life in LA, I've been working my 3-4 jobs, most days being out of the house from 8am to 8 or 9pm. I always say that I love being busy, and it seems like I have an endless supply of energy that keeps me on the go. I'm not sharing my daily habits because they are unusual, but because I think a lot of us are running around, living to our limits, and sometimes it takes a big wake up call to come back to the place where our bodies and minds are in balance.

It feels like I'm being called to slow down and make some further changes, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I'll be taking it easy on the roads and making sure to get my feet in contact with solid ground more than once in a while.

Right Places, Right Times

Sometimes circumstances come together in such a way that it makes it impossible for you to doubt any of the steps you've taken to get to the point upon which you're standing in that exact moment. That's how I felt a couple weeks ago when I drove up into the mountains of Malibu for an Earth Day yoga weekend with my friend/teacher/mentor/inspirational goddess, La Mer.

I met Meredith three years ago in Austin through a web of mutual friends and wild women who were drawn to yoga and healing. My friend Beth had asked if I would like to come to a ladies' day of yoga, meditation, and honoring the divine feminine. I was practicing physical yoga regularly; I hadn't gotten into teaching or much of the spiritual side yet, but, yes, of course I would like to participate in a day of ritual practice with flowy women like me. We went to Lauren's house, which was still under construction at the time, but already filling up with cozy magic (and bulldogs). We spent the day moving mindfully, exploring our inner selves, and listening to the rhythm of the rain on the roof. It was one of my first experiences with any type of yoga retreat, sound baths, energy healing, and bringing women together to talk about our femininity in a spiritually attuned way.

Mer came back to Austin seasonally over the next few years. I got a taste of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter practices and rituals to follow the cycle of a year. I experienced different cycles within myself, too. On that first rainy afternoon in the attic, I asked for guidance growing up. I wanted to step into my role as a woman, but still maintain the childish playfulness that feels like a big part of who I am. In the following sessions, I alternated between feeling enchanted, collapsing into tears about loss and uncertainty, and slowly gaining the confidence to share my voice. I became a teacher and began attempting (I'm still attempting...) to create the safe, open spaces for growth that Mer and all my teachers have provided for me.

In April, Lauren sent out her usual invite that Mer would be coming back to Austin for a Spring women's workshop. I replied that I was disappointed to miss this round, but I knew that Mer lived in LA so I could find her at one of her weekly classes. To my delight, Mer wrote back to me that she would be offering her first retreat in nearby Malibu later that month. I immediately signed up.

The weekend started with a crawl up into the mountains of Malibu-- I hadn't even known you could go up there!-- to a hillside chateau with the most gorgeous view. I tried not to think of leaving on Sunday and imagined that it would be my home for now and forever. That night, we claimed the space and set our intentions for the weekend. We drew from a deck of goddess cards. I was lead to choose the Mother of Seas, a symbol that offered to help me trust my innate knowledge and claim my role as a healer. I was surprised that Mer remembered my request from our session years ago. I had knelt in the attic in Texas asking to grow up while staying in touch with my inner child, and now in California, in full view of the sea, I drew the mother, a nurturing guide with the wisdom to protect and to teach.

We spent the rest of the weekend exploring deeper meditation practices and bowing in reverence to our Mother Earth. The six of us formed an intimate group. We were all different-- single ladies charting their paths, mothers reclaiming their bodies, divorcees finding their way back to themselves-- and we were all the same-- lovers of the planet we inhabit and women on a mission to hear our voices ring pure in the world. I had something to learn from all these ladies and the experiences they brought to our altar. I was especially grateful to meet an assortment of ages; most of us were in our 20's-30's, but one older yogini shared the irreplaceable wisdom and humor of her years.

We hiked around the property, sang and danced harmoniously (debatable) with hand-painted squash shakers, and capped off each evening with a restful meditation to the sounds of crystal bowls. Our weekend culminated on Sunday when we kayaked out to sea. I'd never been ocean kayaking before, and I am pretty remedial with still-water kayaking, so getting the boat out past the break proved challenging for me. We toppled over a few times and scratched up our legs a bit, but eventually I was able to push our boat onto a more stable surface and flounder aboard. It was such a relief to glide gracefully over the the waves. I worried about making it back to shore, but, when the time was right, the sea guided us gently back in.

What a weekend. I am learning to trust the flow within me and all around me. I know that with all these strong women to guide and support me, I'll always end up in the right place.

Missed Connections

While all the con's of this social media stuff have been put on blast recently, I'm here today to say that it's not so bad. Sometimes. Maybe. I'm not exactly sure. But, in spite of being highly addicting, stupidly distracting, and unrelenting in its ability to show that just about everyone can find someone to marry them and have babies with them besides me, it has some redeeming qualities.

For instance, here in LA I've gotten to have some lunches or dinners or other fun activities with long-lost friends from my home in Poughkeepsie, NY, my college home in Delaware, and I already told you about IBM. The internet has introduced me to friends of friends and led me deeper into connections with acquaintances. It certainly has a way of making the earth feel smaller and the places you move more manageable, for better or for worse.

It's been cool to catch up with close friends from the past, to find out what has changed and what's remained the same. Somehow being with them here makes me feel more rooted and proud of the supportive community where I come from.

So, I guess it's all ok, as long as we remember to use it for connection instead of comparison, and to turn it off, look up, and be in the light of day.

And, of course, not to act like we didn't already know when we find out that our souls are being sold to the technology capitalist overlords.

What I'm Doing & Why

Hi friends! Last week, which began with my 30th birthday, I went on a little stay-cation to the luxurious (seriously!) Crowne Plaza LAX airport hotel to participate in training for my second year of AmeriCorps. For the next year, I'll be serving as an AmeriCorps VISTA with Bright Prospect, an organization that helps low-income high school students get into and through college.

I've been pretty open about my move to Los Angeles, but I haven't told many people why I'm here and what I'm doing. That's partially because I'm always doing a lot of different things, and partially because I felt slightly silly to be a 30-year-old signing on for another year of AmeriCorps. 

If you're not familiar, AmeriCorps is a service program where volunteers work in underserved communities for a year or two (sometimes more) to make life better for the people living there. We act like full-time employees, but receive a very modest stipend that is designed to give us the experience of living in the communities in which we serve. VISTA is a program that specifically aims to fight poverty in those communities, and I'll be doing that by making sure high-potential high school students have access to higher education, regardless of their income level.

During my first year with AmeriCorps, I worked in a low-income elementary school and provided 1-on-1 reading instruction to 10-12 students per day. I wanted to test if I'd eventually like to become a certified teacher, and quickly found out that I did not! (Although 5-8 year olds can be pretty adorable.) When the year ended, I decided not to return from my leave of absence with IBM, and instead took some time to teach yoga, travel, and drive for Uber while I figured things out. I also also took a few courses in Graphic Design to pursue some personal and semi-professional interests on the side.

6 months later, I was finishing up my work/trade in Nicaragua and considering next steps, dreaming of Southern California like I had for a long time. I’d done a couple interviews in the area, but nothing really stuck. I kept getting the dreaded, “Contact us when you get out here!” But I wasn’t brave enough to move to one of the priciest places in the world without the promise of a job.

One day, I finally decided to browse the AmeriCorps jobsite-- just to see! I had mixed feelings about my first year. I learned so much about what humans are capable of; I was part of an awesome and irreplaceable team; I felt on fire about pursuing my passions and working with equally passionate people. At the same time, it was hard to record 1600 service hours for a stipend that barely covered rent. I also worried about how it would look. AmeriCorps is popular with the fresh out of college, idealist crowd, so almost everyone in my first program was 22 or 23. I'm 30 now, and I hear your 30’s are supposed to be about expanding your career, planning for a family, developing expertise, etc.

BUT the job seems perfectly aligned to what I’m looking for: it will be a lot of writing, putting my new graphic design skills to use, building experience in non-profit marketing, and gaining entry to the Golden State. This is a dream that I'm now living-- using the rewards from my previous more comfortable job to fund adventures and service projects that are important to me. What better way to invest? (The stock market, 401Ks, and personal property that would deliver long-term returns, you say? Nonsense! That's not for the life of a wandering spirit!)

I’m sure it will be a challenge going back to the 9-5 schedule, but I’m positive it will be a rewarding learning experience. And you can bet that the yoga teaching has already started and will continue on every evening and weekend possible. Thank you for following along and being here to read this! I'm so grateful for your continued support.

Man, I feel like a...

Recently my roommate asked me if, when I’m talking about myself, whether I refer to myself as a girl or as a woman. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, too. Girl. Always, but I’m trying to start thinking and saying woman more and more. My roommate says she doesn’t want to be called a woman because it sounds too stern and boring. I say that I do want to because I believe we are free to bring our own definitions to the label.

I am a woman, although I still get carded at every drinking establishment and, earlier this year, at an R-rated movie. I meet people and, if we talk about Vegas, they say I don’t look old enough to gamble. If I order food at a bar they say I don’t look old enough to be in there. I am a woman. I’ve been old enough to be in there for almost a decade. I’ve lived so many lives, more than most of those who say I’m not enough.

I wasn’t always ready to be called a woman, but I’m ready now. It’s kind of like at the ski rental office when I have to indicate whether I’m Level I Beginner, Level II Intermediate, or Level III Advanced, and the guy at the counter asks what he should put down for me. I am uncomfortable calling myself Level III Advanced just like I am uncomfortable saying “Hey, listen to me, I am a woman.” Of course I’m Level III Advanced. I have been skiing every winter for my entire life. But I can’t say it because I don’t want to seem like a show off to the counter guy. Or I worry that if I say it, then I might go out and fall and someone will think, “Wow look at this Level II Intermediate who dared to say that she was Level III Advanced.” I can’t remember the last time that I’ve fallen on skis, but this seems like a very real possibility.

It’s kind of like when a 40-something male passenger in my Uber asks if I want to go into the restaurant and have a drink with him. I decline, and he asks if I have a boyfriend. I respond that if I had a boyfriend I probably wouldn’t be driving for Uber at 9pm on a Friday night. He asks if I’m a girl who likes boys or a girl who likes girls. I let him out and say have a nice night. I am neither. I am a woman.

Honing my Habits

I am trying to change a few of my habits, which I will share with you here so that my dedication to changing them becomes more formal. So, if you see me doing the opposite of any of these, feel free to remind and correct me, gently:

1.) I will now only lock my car from outside, using the key button, instead of from inside using the door button. I have locked my keys in my car three times in the past two years, which is not that much, but enough for me to have a locksmith’s personal number on speed dial and for him to recognize me while stopping at the gas station. Enough is enough.

2.) I am working on inserting just a bit of silence in between my sentences. Since I started filming yoga videos, I’ve noticed that when I’m nervous, I add “um” or “and” at the end of every sentence, which causes it to run immediately into the next one. Then I end up starting the new sentence before I’m exactly sure of what I want to say. It’s a mess! I’m starting to take a breath in my videos and in normal conversation.

3.) I promise to be more decisive in my ordering at food and drink establishments. This could be a big time saver. I’m usually explicit about what I want, at first: “I’ll take a regular coffee, please.” Then it starts to waver: “What size?" "Um. Medium.” “Medium or dark roast?” What does that mean? Will choosing one make me sound like I know more about coffee than I actually do? “Ummm, medium. I guess.” “Room for cream?” I never get cream, but I hesitate, “Ummmmm, no.” “Anything else?” Oh boy. Do I want anything else? “Um….” Time to look at the goods. Ooo donuts. “Ummm…” Should I eat a donut today? I haven’t eaten many sweets lately. “Ok, I’ll take a donut.” “For here or to-go?” “Uh… to-go.” “Would you like a bag for the donut?” JESUS CHRIST SO MANY QUESTIONS. “Ummmmmm….” A bag? Do I need a bag? “Yeah. A bag would be good.”

I have gone to a lot of coffee shops over the past few weeks, so who knows how much time has been wasted already. These LA baristas are alert and on point, so I know it’s not them, it’s me. I’m working on the pause, quickly followed by a clear and direct response.

Rainy Days

Last week I had an emotional day. Maybe it was all the rain, or that I was PMS-ing since I wanted to eat every chocolate bar within arm’s reach all week. I went to aerial yoga in the morning where we did a lot of deep stretching, so maybe I released something in a chakra somewhere.

Everything started out fine. I left yoga class and thought I should visit the DMV since I had the time. My umbrella and folder of materials were already in the car, so I went. There was a free parking spot and the line *only* took an hour. I had all the right stuff to get my license, and the employee told me there were 5 minutes left to take the written test, so did I want to take it or come back another day? A test? I’ll come back next week when I register my car. No, no. I’d better do it now. I tried to keep a positive outlook, but I was feeling anxious because I’m not very expert in official road safety and I was in the last group rushing in before the testing area closed.

…

Well, I failed. I don’t remember which questions I got wrong because, apparently, there were a lot. And now I would have to return someday to bring my smog certificate and retake the test. You can take it up to three times. My cheeks burned with shame as I tried to log back in and retake it before anyone noticed I’d failed, but the screen wouldn’t load fast enough, and I heard a guard approach. “Ma’am, did you fail the test?” Yeah. “You have to come back another day. You can’t retake it right now.” Ok.

My eyes were starting to water. I was a failure! I’d had a feeling I would fail because common sense tests always tend to make me doubt my instincts and think everything is a trick question. But, yup, I failed. I was trying to gather my belongings and get out of there to my car where I could contemplate all of my failures alone in solitude, when this much older man whom I had talked to in the waiting area earlier stopped me to ask for my name and if we could exchange phone numbers. He’s been in LA for 6 months and is looking for a friend. I don’t know what commonalities our friendship would be based on, other than both having waited at the DMV for an hour, so I said “No, thank you” and tried not to feel bad. I thought back to the time in Nicaragua when I gave a guy my number out of discomfort and guilt, and he sent me 100 unanswered Whatsapp messages in two days before I blocked him.

I got to my car to cry about not knowing the rules of the road and thought maybe I should have taken his number in case I fail again and need someone to drive me places.

New Neighborhoods

Yesterday I intentionally left my phone at home while I walked the mile each way to the yoga studio. I said good morning to every single person I passed, and to some animals, too. “Good morning businessman in your suit!” “Good morning potentially homeless woman carrying many bags!” “Good morning husky dogs on your stoop!” “Good morning hipster guy talking creatively to yourself!” “Good morning asexual-looking transgender couple!” “Good morning Outdoor Voices-clad mat-toting yoga girl who’s just like me!” I'm disconnected and engaged with my environment. I pass the local elementary school and two boys flag me down to retrieve their soccer ball from across the street. I toss it over the fence and trot along on my merry way.

I feel like I’m in a movie. It’s the one about another white girl (woman!) coming in to gentrify a historically Hispanic neighborhood. I speak Spanish, though, so at least we can talk about it? Does it count as gentrification if I have to live with three housemates and couldn’t afford to live anywhere else? I try to eat at the Antigua bakery and the Viva Azteca taco truck, but I’ve also visited the new bookstore/record store/barbershop and the fancy coffee shop where the lattes come standard with almond milk. What a luxury!

Anyway, I'm glad to be here with the grassy slopes, sweet little bungalows, fruit trees, and all the yoga. Lots of love.

Major Milestones

I read in an article recently that humans are much more likely to undergo big, life-altering feats in the year before they reach certain age milestones. 29, 39, 49, 59. They’ll run marathons, change jobs, move across the country, start businesses, and take on other bucket list type adventures. For me, this year was true to the theory. I left a job, accepted a new one, traveled to Asia, self-published a book, made a big move, and, as of yesterday, visited IKEA for the first time.

I didn’t need much, just a set of drawers for my closet and a small trash can for under my desk. My sister asked why I didn’t just go to Bed Bath & Beyond or Homegoods--some of our usual home furnishing haunts. “No, no,” I said, “I want to have the IKEA experience.”

I knew enough to avoid weekend crowds by going in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. I even found ground level parking right outside the store. My tummy was rumbling since I’d come from the gym, so I stopped in the restaurant first. In my imaginings, based on what I’d heard from friends, there would be platters of complimentary Swedish meatballs along every aisle and a fountain of all-you-can-eat frozen yogurt waiting at the end of the maze. I didn’t see any of that yet, but was impressed by the food court offerings. 4 meatballs for $1 and veggie options as well. I filled my belly and began the trek.

I should say that modern European design is not really my taste, so I’m not sure what I was hoping to find there. I’m more of a cozy wooded cabin or, in some cases, beachy bohemian kind of gal. White walls, light colored wood, and all those sharp edges just seem sterile to me. I perused the showrooms. There was so much to see, but none of it that I wanted. Closet organization systems, plastic plants, and squares upon squares. I walked past a model micro-apartment, which apparently singles in cities are flocking to these days. I imagined living there, dying there, and felt sad.

“Grab a cart! You’re about to have your hands full!” The end-cap signs warned. Full of 69 cent plastic wastebaskets, glass cacti, and various lamp shades that somehow all managed to look the same. I twisted and turned, exhausting my feet and eventually settling on some new towels that I kind of needed so no one would question me at the register.

The warehouse at the end seemed convenient and slightly robotic. So many boxes in so many rows. I remembered reading an online forum post once about what it was like to live in Stockholm. The author said that although almost everyone was polite and open-minded, if you had moved from another place and, for example, tried to host a taco dinner on a Tuesday, no one would show up, explaining, “Oh no, not on a Tuesday. Everyone knows Tuesday is pizza night here.”

Notes from the Road (Pt. III)

Just kidding; there's not really a Part Three since the last day of the drive only took 4 hours. I just passed through a bunch of Star Wars desert, then there were some mountains where it started raining, and then I was in Los Angeles. 

California Cori. That’s me now. I suppose I’ve read enough about spirituality to know that the place in which you live doesn’t have much to do with who you actually are, but I would like to think that I’m made up mostly of sun and sea. I hope I could be a little bit of succulents and fruit trees. And I’ll be damned if I’m not at least partly avocados and In-N-Out Burger.

I live here, and it feels like I’m wandering in a dream. It's been raining-- it rains here, who knew-- which was not ideal for unpacking a fully loaded car, but which could be symbolic of my renewal and rebirth. I'll take it.

The house is a testament to putting full faith in Craigslist findings. I had only seen it and met the roommates via FaceTime before driving out here, but so far everything seems to be surpassing my expectations. I had wished for down-to-earth people, in-home laundry, and an included parking spot. I arrived to find that the room is bigger than it looked in the photos. The whole house is brighter. Outside there is a patio, a garden box, and a lemon tree. The backsplash in the bathroom makes it look like a hotel and makes me feel like my toiletries aren’t nice enough to be there. The roommates have a friendly dog and cat that kept me company while I hung up clothes and shifted boxes.

On the first full day, I went out for breakfast with my new roommates. There was vegan cheese, avocado toast, and $7 lattes, and it felt like I had officially woken up here. Later, I ran to the park, past a man screaming at the top of his lungs in the street.

On Leaving

I have some explaining to do! My stuff and I have left Austin for the foreseeable future. It was a fast moving move, but one that I'd been anticipating before I landed back in the U.S. I have dreamed of living in California for a long time, and now here I am in California living. I have a job which I will tell you about soon because it deserves a post of its own. I moved into a house that is a testament to putting full faith in Craigslist findings. I had only seen it and met the roommates via FaceTime before driving out here, but so far everything seems to be surpassing my expectations. The two roommates are kind and inspiring, they have a cat and a dog, and there is a lemon tree outside my window. I am here. 

When I told friends and strangers I was moving to Los Angeles, almost everyone had an opinion. Some gave words of warning and others offered encouragement. There would be traffic and crowds and money needed to buy things. But there would be art and talent and vibrancy as well. I was (am) looking for change and growth. Austin had become so familiar to me that I started to take it for granted. The longer I stayed, the more time and money I spent going on adventures elsewhere. I was running out of activities and places to tick off the checklist and, while I'm trying to cut back on my constant seeking of novelty, I felt the need for something bigger and new.

I didn't want to have a going away party from Austin, since it seems like I'm always going away from someplace or another. And I'm one of the ones who comes back to visit as much as I can. Plus there's always the frightful chance of everything completely falling apart and the possibility having to return a few months later. "You can't Irish exit a city," my roommate told me, and I'm glad I listened. Having all my friends together in one place with too many beers made my heart happy.

Thank you for being such a big part of me for the past 5 years. <3

Dodging Doubt

In case you didn't notice from reading this blog or on various forms of social media, I recently started a yoga-themed YouTube channel (it's here). Sometimes it feels like something very silly to me, and other times it seems like something very relevant and necessary. It's a difficult balance of the brain, going back and forth between doubting ourselves and pursuing our passions. I enjoyed this blog post about it: here. 

I'm pretty adept about having ideas and taking those first steps to put them into action-- I don't like to let them linger around for years-- but usually after the first or second day, doubt starts to creep in and overshadow my hopes. It tells me maybe the original idea wasn't that good, or who was I to think I could take on something like that? Fear sweeps in to keep me comfortable, safe, and fine existing just the way I am.

That's nice, but in order to grow, sometimes we have to be a little uncomfortable or at risk. We must step outside our familiar boundaries to expand our horizons. Fear arrives to test our commitment. "Ok, so you said you were serious, but how serious?" it asks. "And how about now?" as another potential roadblock appears.

But the trick about dealing with fear is to know that you can't go wrong. If you're following the voice deep inside from your heart or soul or wherever those ideas come from, you can't make a mistake. Sure, sometimes your idea doesn't take off, or your plan doesn't quite go as expected and you're forced come up with a new one later on, but, man, it feels so much better to do it and see what happens than to wonder "what if" for the next few years down the line. You'll always end up where you need to be, despite any detours, and the people you need and who need you will be there to support you. Even if it's something small, like taking an art class or visiting a new place in your town, why let fear stop you from doing the things that feel right to you?

Thank you for watching, reading, writing, or just being you and being here!